I’ve been in denial. My clothes weren’t really getting tighter and I still looked the same size as last summer, I was sure of it.
A year ago, I rejoined weight watchers and made all these promises that I was going to lose lots of weight and get back to my former self. I did lose some weight, at one point I had lost 20 pounds. But, I am ashamed to say I put it all back on, bar one pound. 12 months of fees costing £240 and all I ended up losing was one pound.
I made all the excuses under the sun for why the weight didn’t stay off and even when I had lost twenty pounds, I still needed to lose another twenty pounds.
I think the final nail in the coffin was Christmas and my unemployment. I was still saying it’s Christmas mid January.
I started my new job and I started eating better but I was still making rubbish choices and Gregg’s the baker became my new place to hang out at lunchtime.
Then the day came when I realised I was in denial and lying to myself.
I was on my way home from work one day and upon boarding the train, I spotted a girl I worked with 13 years ago.
I bounded over and said hi and she looked at me blankly. I said ‘it’s me Jo’ and mentioned our former employer. She looked me up and down before saying ‘oh my god, what happened to you?’
At first I was confused. I hadn’t been in an accident or disfigured. Then I realised she meant my weight. I was a size 8 when I worked with her. I am now a size 16.
I was mortified. I laughed it off, ‘oh you know, good living!’.
I walked up the carriage and as I did I could feel the tears coming. I wasn’t a monster, just a girl who liked wine and cake.
Her comments haunted me for a week then all of a sudden, I felt more focused about losing weight than I ever had. Three weeks in and I have lost five and a half pounds. I am not cheating, not rewarding myself on weigh in day and I am hoping that I I have lost enough this week so I get my 7 pound star.
I might not be a monster but I was thinking… If I lost weight and got to goal. How great would it feel if I bumped into someone and they said ‘oh my god, what happened to you?, you look amazing!’
Bouche x x x