Bah humbug!

This time last year I was half way through my christmas shopping. New decorations for my tree had been bought, I was busy making menu decisions for christmas day and had even made my own mince pies.

Now, don’t start thinking I am one of those Kirsty Allsopp types who start their christmas shopping in June, pickle their own onions and make fantastic personalised gifts. I am not! I don’t even really like christmas!

Mr Bouche and I have a mutual dislike for christmas and would happily stay indoors from December 24th to December 28th and not see a soul! We always shun family christmas dinner and instead choose to eat christmas lunch together and enjoy the day, just the two of us. We do visit Daddy Bouche on christmas morning but we always decline invitations.

You see, Christmas is not the same as we both feel a little lost. I have never enjoyed christmas since my Dad was diagnosed with HD. Christmas has never been the same. I don’t get along with my step dad and cannot think of anything worse than spending christmas day with him, over my dad.

Mr Bouche always feels a little sad. Little J usually spends christmas day and boxing day with his Mum and her family. It is hard for him to spend christmas day without little J and even harder to spend it with other children.

Last year, however, was the most perfect christmas. Little J had decided to spend christmas eve with us and woke up with us on christmas morning, the first time in 8 years. Even if it was 4.30am, it was just perfect. We had a family breakfast and we got to see Little J’s christmas morning face! I went into overdrive to make it the perfect day. It was the first christmas as a married couple and the first christmas in our house. The tree was up, on the first week of December and all the presents were wrapped weeks in advance.

This year could not be more different. I have bought three christmas presents. Every time that bloody coca cola advert comes on, I turn the tv over. Whilst in the supermarket this week, when I heard the christmas songs being played I put my iPod on and listened through the head phones and don’t even get me started on the John Lewis ad. Has christmas started early this year?

We have no definite answers from Little J as to whether he wants to stay on christmas eve, but I guess we are both expecting it to be a no. I can’t even start to get organised. I have zero interest this year. I don’t think being made redundant has helped and I am hoping the whole christmas period will pass whilst I am asleep.

I know it will be different when we have a baby. Maybe Little J will want to be with us all christmas, maybe we will embrace all family gatherings and not feel like something is missing, maybe I will buy presents in June and pickle my own onions!

Bah Humbug Bouche x x x


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