Dear Next

Dear Next,

Over the years you have served me well. When I needed to purchase a Dad jumper for father Bouche, you have always come up with the goods. When I have been drunk after work and not made it home (not getting up to no good but staying at colleague’s London Pads) you have always opened at 7 am so I could purchase a work top and clean nick nocks. However, our friendship could be at risk.

I have been after a leopard print dress for a little while now. I had been looking for the perfect leopard print maxi to wear on holiday, to summer bbq’s, and there it was. Browsing the internet after pay-day, I saw just what I desired on your website.

Modelled by Geri Halliwell for her signature range, I thought I had found the perfect dress.×47

So last night, I decided to go and try the dress on. Well, I am very very disappointed in you, Next!

You see I am by no means height deficient. But, I am a less than average 5 foot 4 inches (well maybe 3 and a half inches). So you can imagine my surprise to find this dress swamped me. It was literally a good 3 inches too long even with wedges and I would need to wear stilts to carry off the length.

Now I guess, I shouldn’t expect a maxi dress to fit me in length, when I am a little shorter than the average catwalk model. However, this dress is from the Geri Halliwell range for Next. Geri Halliwell didn’t wear those platforms during the Spice girl years for nothing. She is 5 foot 1 inches. A whole 3 inches shorter than me!

Geri stood next to her ‘probably 5 ft 9’ boyfriend!

Can you understand my confusion? Well, this morning I went back onto the website to see if there was a petite size (you see where I am going with this!)

There is NO petite version of this dress!

Now what I want to blooming well know is where Geri has hidden the additional 6 inches of fabric? Tucked it into her pants? Tucked under her bra? Oh and you might have noticed Geri is wearing flats!!!!!!

Or maybe simply she has undergone some cosmetic procedure, to make her 5 foot bloody 7!

Or maybe I have shrunk and I am in fact a blinking hobbit!


Aged 31 and 4 foot 7 inches (clearly!)




6 responses

  1. I feel your pain Bouche, the only maxi dress I could ever find to fit me was in fact a 3/4 lenght dress from M& S, which infact comes down to the floor, If only I could be another foot taller, oh well, back on the rack to stretch my legs
    Sarah 4 foot 9 1/2 ins ( the half makes all the difference) x

  2. Nothing wrong with hobbits!

    Not enough petite ranges theses days, but if u love it – buy it and go and get it altered.

    Life’s too short (like us) to stress over our height etc, we are who we are!

    Go buy it, u know u love the animal print – u Pat Butcher lover xxx

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